Complete nonsense

Greetings from planet earth. I am currently pioneering new methods to see how high my cholesterol can actually go and still allow me to pump blood through my arteries. I am eating a steak, sandwiched between two large sausage patties as I write this.

I guess worrying about my cholesterol is wearing on me a bit. I actually eat mostly low-fat foods, and not much in the way of animal products. Unfortunately, I could eat dry oats and spring water and my cholesterol would still be too high. In a couple of weeks I will have it retested to see how the vitamins and oils and Crestor have helped.

I sometimes think that The Matrix had it right; hook me up to life support and make me think I'm living the life of my dreams. Unlike Neo, I would never try to escape to fight the system. I would just lay there in my drawer and believe that I was eating fettuccine Alfredo and running a 2 hour and 4 minute marathon, while the gluten paste was fed into me. Sometimes an illusion would be nice, but it would have to be tailored to fit my needs.

In my illusion there could be no:

1. Actors- They think we care what they think about the gulf war or God or who should be president.

2. Realtors- Simply because their presence means I'm moving, there is no moving in my world.

4. Racists - In my illusion we're all just what we think and feel; no appearances to worry about.

5. Shoe companies - Tweaking of my shoes is forbidden.

6. Electronics - No phones or ipods. Stereos are okay if they play "Tchaikovsky at tea time."

7. Blisters, heartburn or unpleasantness of any kind - No unpleasantness in my world.

And, with that, this silliness comes to a screeching halt. I need to administer my doses of fish and flax seed oils and then achieve a Zen like state of peacefulness through total body relaxation and humming.

Until our paths cross again.

Run, always run.