Sunday, December 21, 2008

Swirling rarely leads anywhere but back where you started.

And, like a giant magnet that attracts "wanna be" writers instead of ferrous masses, the blogging world comes calling. There are stories that must be told; there are warped and invalid aspects of topics, which somehow evade the world as a whole and now must be shared; there are fragmented sentences, dangling participles and mixed metaphors which must be shared...
Clear the mechanism...nothing happens.
CLEAR THE MECHANISM!...again, nothing happens.
I saw Kevin Costner do this in "For love of the game," and it was cool. As he stood on the pitchers mound he commanded the world to leave him with total concentration on the task at hand.
"Clear the mechanism," he said while looking very cool, and all noises and distractions disappeared.
CLEAR THE DAMN MECHANISM!...nothing. The last song I heard bounces around in my head, the fact that I can't sing brings to mind that I would like to take samba lessons, which quickly leads to thoughts of living on an island in the Caribbean, standing in waste deep water as I fish for the evening meal. I am sort of like "The old man and the sea," except there are no sharks in the part of the Caribbean I am in. "The old man in the sharkless sea." I don't even like fish; that's a good fantasy, where you are truly enjoying something that you don't even like.

Isn't it funny that I say "I don't even like fish" and it's clear that I don't like to eat them. If I said
"I don't even like squirrels," you wouldn't think that I don't like eating them, probably more like I don't like them running across my rooftop, or throwing nuts at me as I head to my car in the morning. I really don't like squirrels...

The mechanism refuses to clear; I'm not sure I even have a mechanism. It would almost be funny if it weren't such a handicap. Maybe I should try to emulate Sean Penn instead. I could get myself a rowboat and a camera man and row through the swamps of Mississippi to rescue people after hurricanes, all the while making sure it was properly captured on video. Of course, that would also mean I had been married to Madonna, which is unacceptable. It's hard to find a good celebrity to be like.