Friday, November 8, 2013

Kitty plays the piano

Kitty walked across the open piano keyboard. The random rhythm of the softly stroked keys was eerily musical…Plink, Pliink, Pleenk, Plink.
“Hey!”  Mrs. Dooofus exclaimed, “Kitty is playing the piano!”

Plink, Pliink, Pleenk went Kitty across the keyboard, smiling to herself as she made music.
“For the love of God, Please help me!” She randomly exclaimed.
“Son of a bitch!” Doofus called out. “Get that damn varmint off the piano!”
Plink, Pliink,Pleenk, went Kitty as she eyeballed Doofus.
“I think we should send Kitty to piano lessons,” Mrs Doofus said excitedly. “She is trying to play Mozart!”
“How about a little night music?” Kitty wondered. Plink, Pliink, Pleenk went the piano. “For the love of God, Please help me!” She said, unable to stop herself.
The next day Mrs. Doofus arranged for Kitty to take her first piano lesson. Mrs. Alotte came to Kitty’s house to give the lesson, because she feared that the crumbly, blue litter would get into the cracks between the keys if she allowed Kitty to play the piano in her own home.
When Mrs. Alotte rang the door bell, Kitty was draped peacefully over Doofus’ shoulder, napping. The bell sent Kitty into survival mode, and she quickly grabbed Doofus by the cheek bones and vaulted herself over the top of his head and down behind the sofa to safety.
“Son of a bitch!” Doofus exclaimed, dabbing the fresh blood that oozed from the puncture wounds on his cheeks. “How the hell did pioneers overlook cats when they were making fur coats?”  he wondered aloud.
Kitty poked her head around the sofa and smiled.
Doofus threw the remote at Kitty and knocked over a glass of water on the coffee table. Kitty chased her tail in a couple tight circles and rolled over, barely able to keep from laughing as the water ran across the magazines and bills lying on the coffee table.

Mrs. Allote came in and eyed the situation skeptically. She had run up quite a bar tab over the last two weeks and desperately needed the money, but teaching piano to a “savant cat” should be beneath her, it really should.
Kitty finally caught its tail and took a bite at it. “For the love of God please save me,” she screeched.
Now it was Doofus’ turn to laugh. “Stupid cat!” he yelled out.
Kitty ran over to the nick-knack case and quickly jumped up to the third shelf, where the expensive things were kept. Looking over her shoulder, she winked at Doofus and knocked an antique tea cup off onto the floor.
“Aw, son of a bitch!” Doofus called out and jumped up.
Kitty waited until Doofus was within arm’s reach before knocking one more cup off and then jumping down in the other direction.

Doofus’ slow brain debated grabbing Kitty, before realizing the cup was more important and caught it just before it crashed into the other one on the floor.
Kitty was impressed and called out “For the love of God please help me!”  “That is not what I meant to say at all,” Kitty thought.
Mrs. Alotte watched all of this and wished for a strong scotch. “So this is the talented Kitty,” she said, her pride audibly forced down her throat.
Mrs. Doofus quickly grabbed Kitty and set her on the piano.

Kitty stretched her front legs out and showed everyone her hind end.

“Cover the damn pooh hole!” Doofus yelled.

Kitty stood up and played Beethoven…Plink plink pleenk.

Mrs Alotte watched and considered what to say. She finally started to cry and turned silently toward the door , mumbling, “ I just can’t do this.”
Kitty sprang off the piano, knocking a nearby picture over on the way. “For the love of God…”  was all she could screech before Doofus sprang at her.

“I’ve had all I can take from that damn cat!" Doofus yelled.

“No you haven’t,” kitty thought as she sprinted to the far corner of the living room and hacked up a slimy fur ball, “but your closer now.”