Monday, August 27, 2012

Assembling the pieces

"Before I built a wall I'd ask to know
What I was walling in or walling out"

Sometimes I didn't even know I was following a wall, and I wasn't always on the same side of it. Some things that were kept on the other side were limits and some were fears, but either way they were only partially accessible...much like like Wilson on Home Improvements, always partially obscured.

The wall allowed for "what if?" and enjoyable dreams, where denied opportunities were replaced by the delightfully sweet rewards that were showered down on imaginary greatness, as it was finally revealed. Like winning a huge powerball jackpot...almost impossible but wonderful to think about.

Once the command goes out to "tear down the wall!" and all of the unjust repression and constraints are removed, the lines of expectations and reality mix, and things are not so clear..."Wilson!"
As a kid in high school, Pink Floyd tapped into my teenage angst, and the wall was a protective barrier..."hey teacher, leave those kids alone!" As long as things were unfair, then there was always a reason why you had to protect yourself.

The other day someone very wise told me that it was great that I finally got to do something I loved...
What? I reached all around me and couldn't find even one brick from the wall...dammit, where are the self imposed limits when you need them? What do I love? Ohhhh, this was going to hurt. I was simply running from something, hoping that the where-to would resolve itself along the way.

Robert Frost makes it sound so innocent..."What was I walling in or walling out?"
Really? Can't anything just be easy. Now I have to figure out the endgame, because I have reached the point where the moves make no sense and cost a lot of money without a purpose.
Small pieces, small pieces, small pieces...
Okay, who am I?