Saturday, January 5, 2008

Tainted youth

My son has been visiting for several days, so my opportunities to write have been limited. The good news is that we seem to be passed the point of his wrestling driving a wedge between us. The bad news is that my picture of him wrestling in the state tournament keeps ending up cast aside on my desk instead of being prominently displayed as I like it to be. He also erased the history on my computer, so I have to actually find my regularly visited sites again. The lessons learned here: make more favorites in case my history disappears, always remember that the computer password is sacred and should never be given out in a moment of weakness, and maybe there is still a little lingering anger that was aroused by the picture of him that I keep in the center of my desk. Of course, there is always the chance that he was surfing a little porn and was only covering his tracks; this option makes the third lesson inaccurate.
Would I prefer to think that he is still upset with me or that he was surfing the porn...?
I hope he didn't register me on any adult sites.
I'm so relieved that we're passed the wrestling issue.

Seeing him again reminds me of how tough it can be to grow up when so many of life's lessons are about dealing with some form of loss. I hear his passion for things and realize that somewhere along the line we tend to lose much of that; so many of us end up with our heads down simply plodding ahead.

We have to keep a list of new goals, things that are difficult to achieve and some that may be unattainable, just to keep that passion alive. The best times lay ahead, they are just not simply about only us. As we grow and compromise, others are always part of our dreams just as we are part of theirs. The good times of youth were selfish and incomplete, but the purely good feelings we remember them with can be confusing.

So, I bid you adieu and leave this simple poem as an offering of little more than what it was intended to be, and perhaps a little less.

Yesterday so long ago
Its secrets linger far below
The shifting sands we've come to know
Rearranged in times relentless flow

The sweetness of a memory
Not tainted by reality
Young, then gone will always be
Much grander than the lives we lead

The love we lost before it grew
To know the tests that make love true
Lay still; forever measured to...
What chance the love that waits for you.

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